Untangling Anxiety: A Step-by-Step Guide to Lasting Relief
Anxiety. It’s the uninvited guest that overstays its welcome, whispering worst-case scenarios and hijacking our sense of safety. It tightens our chest, spins our thoughts into overdrive, and convinces us that if we just worry enough, we can prevent disaster.
But here’s the truth: Anxiety isn’t just something to "manage." It’s something we can understand, work through, and—bit by bit—transform.
Chronic vs. Situational Anxiety: Understanding the Difference
Not all anxiety feels the same—or lasts the same amount of time. Understanding the difference between situational and chronic anxiety can help determine the best approach to healing.
Situational Anxiety: A Temporary Wave
Situational anxiety is a natural, short-lived reaction to stress. It kicks in when we face high-pressure or uncertain situations, such as speaking in public, taking a big exam, going on a first date or having a difficult conversation with a boss or loved one. In these cases, anxiety acts like an alarm system, keeping us alert and focused. Once the event is over, the nervous system naturally resets, and the anxiety fades.
Chronic Anxiety: A Constant Underlying Current
Chronic anxiety, on the other hand, doesn’t fade away so easily. Instead of being triggered by a single event, it lingers in the background, shaping how we interact with the world. It often stems from a combination of:
Past trauma or adverse experiences that left the nervous system in a hypervigilant state
Long-term stressors like financial struggles, health issues, or relationship instability
A history of uncertainty or unpredictability, often from childhood environments where safety was inconsistent
People with chronic anxiety often experience a persistent sense of dread, excessive worrying, and a body that stays in a state of tension, even when there's no clear threat. On client described it like this: “Im not just nervous before a big event—I feel uneasy all the time. Even when things are going well, I can’t shake the feeling that something bad is around the corner. My mind constantly searches for potential problems, and my body is on all the time”. Unlike situational anxiety, chronic anxiety requires deeper healing work—not just stress management but nervous system regulation, inner healing, and reprocessing old wounds that keep fear running in the background.
When Anxiety Amplifies Anxiety: The Loop That Keeps Fear Alive
One of the trickiest parts of anxiety—whether situational or chronic—is how it can amplify itself and make problems seem even bigger than they actually are. Anxiety is like an echo chamber: the more we focus on it, the louder it gets.
When Situational Anxiety Turns Into Chronic Anxiety
Situational anxiety may start as a temporary reaction, but if left unchecked, it can train the brain and body to stay on high alert, turning into a chronic condition. For example, let’s say you feel nervous about a big presentation. Your heart races, your hands get clammy, and your mind starts spinning with "what-ifs." Afterward, even though the presentation is over, your body stays tense. Now, every time you're asked to speak up in a meeting—even in casual settings—you feel that same anxiety response. Over time, the fear generalizes, and you start avoiding situations that might trigger it. The result? Situational anxiety snowballs into chronic anxiety, keeping you in a cycle of avoidance and fear.
When Chronic Anxiety Amplifies Situational Anxiety
On the flip side, if you already experience chronic anxiety, even small stressors can feel overwhelming. Someone without chronic anxiety might feel mildly nervous before driving in heavy traffic, but someone who already struggles with anxiety might experience a full-blown fight-or-flight response. The mind jumps to catastrophic conclusions: What if I get in an accident? What if I have a panic attack while driving? What if I get stuck and can’t escape?
Because chronic anxiety primes the nervous system for danger, even everyday challenges can feel like major threats. This amplifies situational anxiety, making ordinary life feel unmanageable.
Bottom line? Anxiety isn’t just one thing—it’s a collection of patterns that shape how we experience the world. Recognizing which type of anxiety is showing up for you allows for a more targeted and effective approach to treatment. No matter the form anxiety takes, healing is possible. Here’s a roadmap for working through it, step by step.
A Step-by-Step Treatment Map for Anxiety
1. Map the Different Parts of Your Mind
Anxiety doesn’t come from nowhere—it comes from within. Using Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Ego State Therapy (EST), we can begin to map the different parts of ourselves that contribute to our anxiety.
The part of you that worries incessantly? Maybe it’s trying to protect you from failure.
The part that shuts down when overwhelmed? It could be carrying past experiences of helplessness.
The part that freaks out when things feel out of control? It might be a younger version of you still waiting to feel safe.
Rather than trying to silence or “fix” these parts, we can get curious, listen to them, and help them find new roles.
2. Track Your Nervous System
Anxiety doesn’t just exist in your mind—it lives in your body. If you’ve ever tried to rationalize your way out of anxious feelings but still found yourself tense, restless, or frozen, that’s because anxiety isn’t just a thought pattern. It’s a nervous system response that bypasses logic and operates on a primal level.
Our nervous system shifts between different states depending on whether it perceives safety or threat. When anxiety takes over, it often means we’re stuck in fight-or-flight mode (feeling restless, panicked, or overwhelmed) or freeze mode (feeling numb, paralyzed, or dissociated). Some people bounce between the two, feeling on edge one moment and completely shut down the next.
Tracking your nervous system involves noticing how anxiety feels in your body. Does your chest tighten? Does your breathing become shallow? Do you feel jittery or, conversely, emotionally distant? By identifying these patterns, you start to see anxiety not as a random force taking over, but as a predictable bodily response that can be shifted with the right tools. Once you recognize your nervous system’s state, you can begin practicing ways to bring it back into balance.
3. Calm Your Mind and Body with Therapeutic Techniques
When anxiety takes over, it’s not just a mental experience—it’s a full-body event. Racing thoughts, tense muscles, shallow breathing—your nervous system is signaling distress. The key to relief isn’t just “thinking positive” but teaching your body specific tools on how to feel safe again.
At our clinic, our therapists use evidence-based techniques to help you regulate anxiety in real time. Through breathwork, grounding exercises, mindfulness, and somatic practices, we guide you in rewiring your nervous system’s response to stress. Whether it’s learning to slow your breath, engage your senses, or use movement to release tension, we help you build a personalized toolkit for calming both mind and body.
4. Go to the Source - Trauma-Informed Processing
For chronic anxiety, we have to go deeper—to the original wound. EMDR, somatic therapy and IFS unburdening work can help us uncover the first time we felt unsafe, unseen, or unworthy. For example, anxiety often stems from:
A childhood experience of unpredictability or neglect.
A traumatic event that overwhelmed our ability to cope.
Generational patterns of fear passed down unconsciously.
When we revisit these experiences through a therapeutic lens, we don’t just relive them—we reprocess them. This allows us to shift the beliefs we formed and release the emotional charge they still hold.
5. Integrate the Learning & Embody a New Way of Being
Understanding anxiety is just the beginning—true healing happens when we integrate what we learn into our daily lives. It’s one thing to intellectually know that deep breathing or self-compassion can help, but it’s another to actually embody these shifts when anxiety strikes.
Integration means changing not just how you think but how you respond to anxiety in real time. Instead of defaulting to fear, avoidance, or self-judgment, you start making different choices. You breathe instead of panicking. You remind yourself that discomfort isn’t danger. You practice staying present instead of shutting down. For instance, at our Richmond Hill psychotherapy clinic, we often see our clients make the following shifts:
Instead of "I am an anxious person," we begin to see, "Anxiety is a pattern, not my personality."
Instead of "I can’t handle uncertainty," we embody, "I am learning to trust myself."
At first, these changes feel small, even subtle. But over time, they reshape your nervous system and sense of identity. You move from being someone who is constantly consumed by anxiety to someone who knows how to navigate it with resilience. This shift isn’t just mental—it’s physical, emotional, and behavioral. It requires repetition, patience, and self-compassion, but each time you practice responding differently, you’re reinforcing a new way of being—one that is rooted in strength rather than fear.
6. Expose Yourself to What You Avoid—in Bite-Sized Pieces
Avoidance fuels anxiety. The more we dodge discomfort, the stronger our fear becomes. Once you’ve mapped it all out, have the right resources and gained the insight as to what is fueling your anxiety, exposure therapy can help retrain your brain by facing feared situations gradually and strategically. This of this as taking a calculated risk after having prepared for some time. Here’s so examples:
Afraid of social interactions? Start by making eye contact with a barista.
Scared of public speaking? Record yourself talking for 30 seconds.
Fearful of driving? Sit in the car without turning the engine on.
Small steps teach the nervous system “I can handle this” which is key is overcoming anxiety.
7. Experiment with a New Response
Anxiety thrives on patterns. It convinces us that if we always react the same way, we can stay safe. But in reality, these habitual responses—whether avoidance, overthinking, or numbing out—only keep anxiety in control. Breaking free means experimenting with different responses and proving to yourself that a new outcome is possible.
The next time anxiety arises, try pausing before reacting. Instead of immediately avoiding a feared situation or spiraling into catastrophic thinking, take a breath and ask, What would happen if I responded differently this time? Could you stay present for just a little longer? Could you calm your body so that you can think more clearly? Could you move toward, rather than away from, the thing you fear?
Each time you try something new, you’re rewiring your brain’s response to anxiety. At first, these experiments may feel uncomfortable, but they teach your nervous system that you can handle discomfort without needing to escape it. The more you step outside your habitual reactions, the more you break the cycle of anxiety controlling your choices.
8. Repeat the Process—Because Fear Comes in Layers
One of the most frustrating things about healing anxiety is that it doesn’t happen all at once. You might conquer one fear, only to find another one surfacing later. This doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re peeling back the layers of deeper fears that have been buried over time.
Anxiety often functions like an onion: each layer you work through reveals another one underneath. Maybe you overcome social anxiety in casual interactions, but then realize deeper fears of rejection surface in romantic relationships. Maybe you work through public speaking fears, but then notice anxiety showing up in leadership roles.
Instead of seeing this as a setback, recognize it as part of the process. Every time you face a new layer of fear, you’re being given an opportunity to strengthen your resilience. The tools that helped you in the past will continue to help you, and each time you apply them, you reinforce the truth that you are capable of navigating anxiety, no matter how many layers it has.
Healing isn’t linear. Some days will feel easier than others, and sometimes old fears will resurface. But with each layer you work through, fear loses its grip, and you reclaim more of your life. The key is to keep showing up, keep using the tools, and keep proving to yourself that anxiety doesn’t define you—you define how you move through it.
Final Thoughts: From Survival Mode to Thriving Beyond Anxiety
Anxiety doesn’t have to run your life. When we stop fighting it and start understanding it, we gain the power to heal. With patience, compassion, and the right tools, we can shift from survival mode to a life of true presence, resilience, and peace.
If anxiety has been holding you back, consider reaching out for support. Healing isn’t meant to be a solo journey—and you don’t have to do it alone. We’re ready to walk this path with you ;)
