There are many stories we tell ourselves to explain the wounds left concealed…
“It was immensely painful. It was truly difficult. But, it made me stronger, it made me a fighter!” (anonymous)
…
When I trace back my own story, I can see a playful child who was shielded from the chaos of this world. Within a nourishing ecosystem, I learned to feel the sturdiness of my spine and leaned into trusting myself. Inch by inch, seeds of rebellion grew within me as I came into contact with my ever existing strength and wisdom.
And yet, as years went by, a number of painful experiences tainted my mind and shook up my inner world!
Like the one that led me to fear loss; so I compensated by holding onto people unreasonably tight… Or the one where I would insidiously caretake for others; meanwhile my wants and needs were disowned and never prioritized… And even the moments where I was faced with the undeniable lack of safety in this world as a woman; so I keep watching my back again and again! As expected, these pain stories did not flourish into resilience but rather clashed with the free-spirited fighter within me.
In time, I came to learn that pain stories rarely transpire into wisdom or strength!
Yet, many of us interchangeably and unconsciously use the phrase “it made me stronger” instead of “it just robbed me”! And the cost of holding onto pain stories is that they remain “undigested”: they sicken the cells in our body, constrict our mind and separate us from human connection.
So, I invite you to begin a new journey with me... To search for what was taken…
To re-write your story… And to build pillars in your life from which you can seed resilience in the way it was designed to be.
Carly Elmalem, RSW
MSW | Registered Social Worker | Psychotherapist
Trauma Treatment Certification | EMDR | Internal Family Systems | Sensorimotor Psychotherapy
Another Sliver Of Me…
Forging Connections through Cooking. I’ve always felt inspired to and truly enjoyed cooking; but it was only in adulthood that I recognized the place it took in my life. Preparing a meal is an invitation to gather that goes far beyond nutritional needs. It is a universal gesture of care and being cared for. And whether it is a quiet dinner, a heated quarrel or endless laughter around the table, sharing food has brought me closer to family, community and even strangers. Indeed, cooking is a “token of togetherness” and an opportunity to connect, to nurture relationships and to feel at home with other humans.
Living Embodied through Pilates. We’ve all been counseled to search for that thing that keeps us energized and healthy! When I landed on pilates practice, it was like finding a humble soulmate for my nervous system! I quickly realized that it was far more than just another sequence of movements for staying fit. For the first time in my life, I had found a gateway to connecting with the micro-muscles that defined my core and fed my confidence. Pilates became an invitation for my mind to stop the shaming messages that left me confused, and step into feeling embodied and resilient. It is also through this practice that I stay in touch with the “rebel me”!
